Let’s BFriends

Sandra Connet works as a part-time receptionist in a doctor’s surgery. However, once a week she is also a volunteer bfriender for CHILDREN 1st, who work with struggling or disadvantaged children. Here, she outlines the rewards of being a bfriender.

After both our children had flown the nest to go to university I was searching for something to do. I didn’t mind whether it was voluntary or paid, but it had to feel right.

One day at work I saw a poster which was asking people to ‘make a difference in a child’s life’. When I got home, I looked it up the internet to find out more – this definitely felt right. One interview and a three month course later, I became an official bfriender.

A bfriender is usually matched with a child who is experiencing difficulties at home, school or in the community. The main aim of bfriending is to offer friendship and support a couple of hours a week. If your child wants to talk or discuss anything, you have to be able to listen. You need to be understanding and patient to build up their self confidence and esteem – and be ready to have fun together!

Each child has their individual needs but you soon build up a special relationship with them.

I have been matched with eight-year-old Stuart for nine months now and everything is working well. Two months ago, I was also matched with his brother Lewis, who has just turned ten. I have taken it slowly, taking them out separately each week and it is working very well. Today however is the first day we are all going out together.

After getting home from work, I prepare for our outing. We are going to the bfriends base where we plan to make pizza. The Wester Hailes base is quite small, but the children can cook or bake in the kitchen, and there is a snooker table, arts and crafts, games, books, a karaoke machine and many other things for them to enjoy. Last week, we discussed what the boys wanted for their pizza toppings, and they have also ordered a variety of fruit for afters!

When I arrive to pick up the boys – Lewis is waiting with his coat on. When I take them out individually, they always take the keys to lock or unlock the car, and they both sit in the same seat. Now they are out together they have to make decisions and learn to share! Who will unlock the car first? Who sits where? We toss our shiny penny to solve the problem – Stuart is the Soldier and Lewis is the Plane – it works a treat!

We arrive at the base, wash our hands, get our aprons on and pizza making begins! All the toppings are prepared and soon the pizzas look like a work of art – one to eat now and one to take home. While cooking, we tidy the kitchen and I ask Lewis if he could help dry the dishes as he is doing nothing. Next thing Stuart is taking over in the sink to wash and they say they will do the dishes between them – I am assured that this is a first!

We play a game of pool, and Paul, our Project Development Worker, asks the boys to draw on a postcard what bfriends means to them. Stuart draws himself and Lewis holding hands – at bfriends they are happy to be together! I then get added in when Lewis asks where I am. Lewis draws a snooker table with lots of balls and smiley faces.

It’s now time to sit down and have our pizzas, fruit and hot chocolate. We have a chat about what they have been up to the previous week, how school has been and what they would like to do next week. They say they would like to go out together more often. I remind them – Stuart especially – about the importance of brushing their teeth, as it came out last week that they often forget. Stuart says he would be quite happy with false teeth – I reassure him differently!

It is soon time to tidy up and take the boys home. They write in the base diary what we have been up to. In the car we sing a song, and once back at their house I thank them for being so good – we all had a brilliant time together. Stuart then says “it’s much better being a good boy than a bad one’.

We go into the house and they tell their mum what they have been up to – they are really happy to show off their masterpieces.

As I drive the half-hour journey home I go over how successful the outing has been – their mum was not sure about me taking the boys out together. Once home I write up my diary, have a cup of tea and sit with my feet up and a smile on my face, looking forward to seeing the boys again next week.